hanging on

I've tried very hard in the last many months to not get too comfortable in my progress on the food/weight front.  Things have been going well, with minimal emotional stress or feelings of anxiety, but I know too well that it's not going to be smooth sailing all the way.  Which brings me to this week, where I've been seeking out chocolate and craving cake with frosting and generally just thinking about food way too much. I know that it's a signal for something else, but I'm not quite sure what just yet.

Last week we were in Key West, and I was uber-relaxed in that setting.  I didn't worry about food, I ate what sounded good (and often the healthier things sounded very good to me), and I enjoyed wine, cocktails, and key lime pie (not to mention one of the best desserts I've ever had: a strawberry cream pie with chocolate-topped graham cracker crust, from here).  It was all good, and I enjoyed myself like a regular person--meaning no guilt, no scouring for points for key lime pie, no restrictions followed by bingeing.

We've been back for a week, and it's been a hard one for me to regain my footing.  By Tuesday or Wednesday I had this gnawing feeling that I needed something, and for me that something came in the form of cake with frosting.  I kept telling myself that I don't need cake with frosting, which has resulted in me instead eating: ice cream and french fries from McDonalds, a piece of chocolate pie, chocolate milk.  Distractions from the cake, and yet still I'm unsatisfied.  And really, when I think about my very favorite cake ever, even that really won't stop up whatever hole I'm trying to fill.  So I'm worried.  This is scary place for me to be, because it's familiar, and it's an unhappy place.  I'm going to my WW meeting on Sunday morning...although I'm not going to weigh in.  I just can't.  Not yet.  Before my trip I was just 3 pounds away from goal, the closest I've been in years.  I'm almost there, but I'm in this unhappy worry place right now.  I wish I knew what was going on.